如何委婉拒绝别人的要求
How many ways are there to say “No” without offending anyone's feeling? Well, there is “No, I can't”， “No, I don't have time” and “No, I don't want to”。 But the problem is that many of us try to avoid situations that require us to say “No” to people. In almost every culture this little word is associated with rejection, failure, egoism and a lack of tact and empathy towards others.
有多少种方法在拒绝时而不得罪人呢? “不行，我没法做。” “不行，我没空。” “不行，我不想做。” 但是问题在于，我们很多人都想避免对别人说“不”。 几乎在每种文化中，“不”这个字都和拒绝、失败、利己主义、应变能力不足、缺少同情心联系起来。
I can not recall how many times I have eaten burnt, undercooked, blandand poorly tasting dishes simply because I did not want to hurt the feelings of the person who had cooked them. Or the times when I bought something, I did not need, because I felt guilty leaving a shop empty-handed after spending 20 minutes of the shop assistant's time.
我记不起来有多少次，我因为不想伤害做饭的人的感情而吃掉糊了的、夹生的、平淡无味的或味道很差的食物。 我也记不起来有多少次我买了不需要的'东西，只是因为我觉得花了导购员20分钟的时间两手空空离开会有一种负罪感。
How do you say “No” without offending anyone or feeling guilty afterwards? There is a great lesson to be learned from such approach to communication.
怎样说“不”而不冒犯他人或之后自己没有负罪感?我们可以好好学习一下这种沟通的方法。
If just like me, you sometimes find it difficult to be direct about saying “No”， you can still be assertiveand express you disagreement in a more subtle, yet equally powerful way. The great thing about this method is that it gets your point across without making you look bad, unprofessional, insensitive or uncaring.
如果你和我一样，有时你会发现很难直接说“不”，但是你依然可以自信地用更加微妙、同样有效的方式表达异议。 这种方法的精妙之处在于，既能表达你的意思，又不会让人觉得你很差劲、不够职业、不够敏感或漠不关心。
Here are 7 Sneaky Ways to Say “No” without Offending Anyone
下面是7种拒绝而不伤害他人的委婉方法：
1. “This sounds interesting, but I have too much on my plate at the moment.”
“听起来很有趣，但是我现在有太多的事情要做。”
When you start your disagreement with a compliment: “this sounds interesting”， it makes the person less defensive and gives you a validreason to decline “I have too much on my plate at the moment”。
如果你在表达异议时用赞美开头：“听起来很有趣”，会让人的心理防御降低，这时你可以用正当理由来拒绝，如“我现在有太多的事情要做。”
2. “I'm sorry but last time I did ___, I had a negative experience.”
“不好意思，上次我这样做时，我很难受 。”
This is a life-saver for me every time I have to explain to people that I do not eat meat. Before I would say that I was a vegetarian, but for some reason this explanation has never worked on hospitable Italian grandmothers. They would try to feed me bacon, sausage and octopuses (yuck!) explaining it with “this is not meat” or “I just put a little in this dish”。
当我每次需要向他人解释我不吃肉时，这句话是我的救命稻草。在此之前，我通常说我是素食主义者，但是不知什么原因，这种解释对好客的意大利奶奶们一点儿用也没有。她们总是让我吃培根、香肠和章鱼(真难吃!)，并向我解释“这不是肉”或“只放了一点点儿。”
Now I simply say, “I'm sorry, but I can not eat meat. Last time I did, I had a terrible headache.” And it works like a charm, because no one wants to hurt you on purpose.
现在我只是说，“不好意思，我不能吃肉。上次我吃肉时，我头疼得很厉害。” 这非常管用，因为没人想故意伤害你。
The focus here is not on what you want or do not want to do, but on your previous bad experience.
这里要注意的是，关键不在于你想要什么或不想做什么，关键在于上次你这样做很难受。
3. “I'd love to do this, but ____”
“我想这么做，但是____”。
This is a great way of saying that you like the idea, you are willing to help, but you just can not do it at the moment.
这是一种很好的方式，说你喜欢这样做，你想去帮忙，但是你现在没法做。
Note: Just do not go into a lengthy justification of why you can not do it.
注意：不要进一步说明你为什么不能做。
First, it is not necessary. Time is a limited resource and when you say “yes” to one task, you have to say “no” to other opportunities that might be more important, urgent and beneficial to you at the moment. Second, offering a lengthy explanation makes you sound guilty and unsure, so people might push further to see if you will agree.
首先，没有必要。每个人的时间都是有限的，当你对一项任务说“是”的时候，你就不得不对另外的一些机遇说“不”，尽管那些机遇现在对你来说可能是更加重要、紧急或有益的。另外，进一步解释会让你有种负罪感和不确定感，人们可以进一步劝说你看你是否会同意。
4. “I'm not the best person to help on this. Why don't you try X?”
“我不是这项任务的最佳人选。要不你们看看X行不行?”
If you feel that you can not contribute much to the task, have no time or lack the resources, do not beat around the bush! Let the person know it up front. This, however, does not mean that you can not be helpful. You can still refer the person to a lead they can follow up on.
如果你觉得你不能在任务中投入太多精力，没有那么多时间或缺少资源，那就不要拐弯抹角!让别人知道。这样，别人就不会觉得你没有帮忙。你可以推荐他人供他们参考。
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